Yes, Craiglist ads are a dime a dozen, but some of them are more entertaining than others.
Tucked away on California’s Central Coast, the city of San Luis Obispo, which bills itself as the happiest place in America, is home to a failed hipster, who is looking to unload his fixed-gear bike.
“I tried so hard. I dated a girl from Portland. I criticized cheese. I applied the term artisanal to every inanimate object that went in or on my body. I burned and singed my forearms just to make it look like I was going to culinary school. I grew Carol Brady hair. I got itchy from the finest flannel and I cut off circulation from the waist down with jeans that made my ass look like an elevator button. . . .And I rode a fixie.”
But you know what? Fixie didn’t care.
The failed hipster obviously loved Fixie: “It’s beautiful. It’s got red rims. Red chain. Red tires. Red handlebars shaped like devil horns — because it’s the devil.”
For good measure the poster goes on to share the secret behind all fixed-gear bikes: They don’t stop.
“Stop sign? Fixie don’t care. Car coming turning in front of you at a three-way stop? Fixie laugh. Want Chipotle? Nope. Fixie want protein powder/beet/purple carrot/bee pollen juice and won’t stop till he gets it. Fixie has a mind of his own,” the failed hipster posted.
“Yesterday, Fixie got pulled over twice by SLO PD in three hours. In six months time, Fixie collected more tickets than a scalper for a Radiohead show at Hollywood Bowl.”
Apparently that was the last straw for hipsterdom.
To express interest in Fixie, click here.
– Sean Gallagher, CMN
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